cash it all in, give it all up

So I specifically came the library just to update this thing. Pah-the-tic. Oh well :]

Let's see: My weekend = relaxing for the most part.

Friday: stayed home

Saturday: worked and then watched the HORRIBLE game, but it's okay I still love my Raiders :], and then went to Caleb's which Holley was having her 21st birthday party and it was just real chill with everybody drinking and talking and blah blah.

Sunday: WAS going to go to church but didn't make it :[ So Holly and I went to work out and then went home and "freshen-ed" up and went to eat with Barbara and David at Abuelo's (YUM!) and then went home and did NOTHING all day. Well, actually "nothing" consists of taking a shower (finally) and picking up where I left off in book #4 of the Left Behind series and watching the AMA's. It was nice :] Kylie laid in bed with me for some of the time and I got some pictures of her :]

oy, isn't she the cutest thing ever?!

So, me and my gay self went to look up a "bible verse of the day" and this is the bible verse of the day:

[Jesus said] "And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive him, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins."
— Mark 11:25 (NIV)

http://www.verseoftheday.com/

I guess it kind of hits home because after reading this I'm like, "oh crap." And you know when you say "oh crap" to a bible verse, you got some working to do. Then I debated on whether I should pretend I didn't go to this website and read this verse and go find another one that I would like better but surprisingly so, decided against it. :] Obviously in all "spiritual journeys" everybody wants to be "washed away" of their sins and I guess this is my first step... Forgiving those around me in order to be forgiven of my sins. The hardest thing though, I'm going to have to forgive those who have hurt me the most.. and the ones that have hurt me the most are the closest to me (or should be, but aren't sadly enough) and that's going to be hard but I guess in some way relieving. It starts with my parents. I have so much frustration against them. Why couldn't you grow up when you had kids and decide to be adults and make your kids your life? Why did you have to put me and Jaryd through a crappy childhood and make us go through the things that we had to go through? Why did Jaryd and I have to be the adults? Why are you STILL getting your life on track when Jaryd and I are basically almost there? Jaryd and I bought our car/truck in high school and Jaryd bought a HOUSE when he was 21.. a HOUSE, b.o.u.g.h.t. a house, that's amazing and I'm SO proud of him for that because that's more than what most under the age of 30 can say. He's got the smartest head on his shoulder and I'm just shocked with how he turned out to be. He's got an amazing girlfriend who I have come to love and adore and just couldn't see her not around. I'm in college and yeah it's taken me 3 years to finally decide what I want to do but now I've finally figured it out and I've set goals on wanting to move to a school that offers more for my major. I know that both of y'all are proud of both of us and Dad likes to brag, "My daughter goes to Texas Tech" in the most arrogant voice ever to show off.... but did you help me get there? No. There's no room for bragging rights. -But you know what? I'm glad that they're more proud than discouraging of us.. But please, please, don't sit there and tell me what Jaryd and I should and shouldn't do. It frustrates me more than anything you could ever possibly imagine. And I imagine, by this point, you can see that we've been doing good without it. I do know that parents try to help and give advice on whether we should do this or not and I get that, but the only way we're going to learn is to experience it. - As you can see, they're going to be the hardest people to forgive haha. I just know that when I get married and have kids, my husband and my kids are going to be my entire world and I will do everything that I know to do to give my kids the kind of life they deserve and the kind of parents they deserve. I know things happen, parents get divorced and etc, but I will do the best I can with what I have. The next people on my list are the ones that have come into my life and tried to bring me down and hurt me and ruined my trust. I guess the next step from here is to write a personal list of who all I need to forgive.

Another thought just came to my mind, "why can't God just forgive me even if I don't forgive others?" My interpretation would be that God doesn't want us to have any more bitterness in our hearts and wants the "plate swiped clean" so that we can really work on our relationship with him and shift all of our focus on Him and getting forgived of our own sins and not have any distractions.

Don't form the wrong idea of my parents, they did do the best they could when they could and I did have a good childhood, HUGE thanks to Barbara and David who welcomed me into their home and made sure that I had everything I needed and raised me in the best way they knew how to. But it still would've been nice to have my parents there. But everything happens for a reason and I honestly would not have changed anything, I am who I am because of it. But those questions that I said were just questions to get my point across, not to lash out or make anyone feel downgraded. So don't get me wrong. :]

In response to Holly's comment on my last post as far as Baylor goes and the tuition: I can use my deaf tuition waiver anywhere in Texas at any public school so I technically won't be paying for it :]

And I'm thinking I'm going to go visit both schools, probably take a week off or so and drive down there and go visit both schools; "kill two birds with one stone" right?

I'm gna go workout! 3rd day in a row! Go me!